A Walk in the Woods

A Walk in the Woods

Today I walked in the woods here in upstate NY, where I enjoyed the crunch of leaves under my feet, the crisp autumn air and the colorful foliage. As I walked, I found myself ruminating about the senseless estrangement from my son and grandkids. This month, three of my grandchildren have birthdays. I always send cards and gifts. From time to time, I communicate with the grandchildren via emails, texts or letters, but I’m still not allowed to see them.

As I walked with the leaves falling around me, my thoughts alternated between appreciation for the beauty of the day and my deep sadness over the situation.. I became cognizant of how much my feelings of grief, sadness, depression and obsessive thinking about all of this have been driving me and ruining my life for so long now.

I’m sick of missing them. I’m sick of feeling sad and depressed. I’m sick of dreading holidays. I’m sick of feeling like a victim. I’m sick of letting their decision to banish me ruin my life!

Everyday I work on healing. I am doing everything humanly possible to heal and, although I’m tired of working so hard, I know that I must continue working on transformation and recovery if I want any happiness and peace.

So, as this glorious fall afternoon fades, I remind myself that, in the words of Homer, man is but ‘a generation of leaves.’ Life is fleeting and ephemeral. If I don’t choose to be happy now, then when?

2 thoughts on “A Walk in the Woods”

  • Oh I So Feel Your Pain……The Children are the ones that will carry the Scares !!! My Heart Breaks SO !!
    Everyday I Hurt with knowing all the Love the Kids are missing in their little lives from a Grandparents kind of love to a child. How my daughter can do this to me, with all the Love, caring and giving she got in her life I can not comprehend.
    My Heart Goes Out to All Those that Have to deal with this Every min of the Day !


    • I, too, am so very sad about two loving grandparents being ripped from my dear granddaughter’s life. I have other grandchildren, as one of my daughters reminded me. They are grown, though, in college or about to enter and are busy with their own lives. I am not estranged from them, but seldom see them. I’m okay with that. The one I am concerned about is the younger one. We used to have such fun together (as I did with the others), and I thought we had a good relationship with our son and daughter-in-law.

      I grieve not only for myself and my husband for the son we have lost, but for the dear little girl who can’t possibly understand why she no longer hears from us.

      I do continue to send her mail and presents, which she doesn’t get, and keep doing all I can to get my son to let us back into his life.

      We were not bad parents. I know we made mistakes; everyone does. But I’m apologized and sent loving messages, all to no avail. I just don’t understand how any parent can do this to not only his parents, but to his daughter.


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