Falling Down

Falling Down

Do you ever have days when it seems like every step you take forward is followed by two or more steps backward?

After doing my best to keep moving forward with enthusiasm, a sense of purpose and loving kindness for myself and others, I am faced with a new challenge. I  recently got knocked down (accidentally)  onto a concrete floor, which resulted in a fracture in my back. The doctor said, based on the MRI, that I need six to eight weeks recovery and rest.

At first, I was just dealing with shock and pain. Now, a week later, the pain is still problematic, but not as difficult as depression and a feeling of isolation.

This morning, after a night of tossing and turning, my thoughts were dreary and negative. Then, I reminded myself that I was in control and could pick and choose which thoughts I was going to energize. I immediately felt lighter.

I decided that I would take this day in small segments. As I drank my coffee, I enjoyed the sight of the marine layer hovering over the Pacific in the distance.  I sat in the warmth of the sun for a few minutes, closing my eyes, telling myself that I was going to be alright. I was gentle and patient with myself throughout the day and remembered that I am more than this injury, these circumstances and my racing thoughts.

I am determined to make good use of this time of recovery. As my body heals,  I will continue to restore my mind, heart and spirit. I have fallen down, but I will get back up again. I will give myself the gift of allowing this setback to just be what it is, without torturing myself by wishing I could go about my normal daily activities. I will practice the peace that comes with fully accepting reality – the fact that I’m injured and need to rest and take care of myself.

As the days fly by and I edge toward my 70th birthday, I feel the need to quiet my mind. I don’t want to look back into the past because it is a Pandora’s box of sorrows. I have thrown out or given all memorabilia away. I don’t want to look at old pictures because I feel sad and empty when I do. And I don’t want to think too much about the future because it just makes me crazy. I prefer to be mindful of the present moment, because it is the only place where I can find any true comfort.

So, now, as I watch the sun setting , I take a moment to acknowledge the presence of my son and grandchildren who live in the corners of my consciousness, and I say hello, yes I know you’re there and I love you. I send you my love and may you be safe, healthy and happy all of your days.

I sit quietly for a moment. It’s growing dark. My husband walks in the door with take-out for dinner. I’m grateful.

7 thoughts on “Falling Down”

  • I’ve been told I have the problem. I fell upon this! Boy, didn’t tink anyone else could go through this. I was recently in car accident.. Herd of deer.. Coming home after visit with son and grandbabies.. Changes you. Not one call from them. Hurts. I never interfere. Constantly get rude gestures and comments. Most her parents. My grandbaby 3 continually asks to come to my house. The knife twistsin my heart and some days I can’t bear it! I’m surrounded by positive people and help others always. This hurts. Thanks for your posts and elps me to focus on those positive things!

  • Suffering abuse from your daughter-in-law is unacceptable and you’re better off away from it. I understand how difficult it is to recover from feeling abandoned, abused and rejected, but if you were to stay in that dynamic with your DIL, you would lose even more confidence over time. Antidepressants can help, so I think that’s a good idea. You will get through this, one day at a time. Try to relax and not think about the future, (I’ve certainly been guilty of this and it just gets you nowhere).
    I’m glad my writing has offered some comfort. I’m here if you need me and if you prefer, you can write to me on a private email: grandparentwrites@yahoo.com
    Wishing you peace and blessings.

  • Your blog has brought me much comfort thank you so much for sharing it. I too am estranged from my son and grandson it just seems his wife never wanted myself or my husband to take any part in their lives. We have suffered much abuse at her hands . For me the recovering part is a real struggle I love my son and grandson with all of my being and rejection just feels too much. I have just been put on anti depressants because of it all just hope we all can find some sort of peace and happiness in the future with or without them.

  • I love your blog. When I read your words, I feel comforted because, I too, am estranged from my son and daughter.

    • Thank-you, Bev. Estrangement is so heartbreaking and I’m glad that by sharing many aspects of my experience with recovery and healing, I’ve helped you in some way.

  • Oh, I’m sorry to hear about your fall – ouch! No fun and one more challenge to deal with! I hope you’re recovering well. I’m also sorry to hear that your adult child is married to someone who creates separation and dysfunction. I just don’t get it, but this kind of thing seems to be happening more than I ever thought possible.
    Thanks for writing and for continuing to follow my blog. I’m glad you find sustenance here. I hope you’ll contiune to be in touch.
    Warm wishes for your complete healing and happiness.

  • You’re posts are always reassuring, as well as a reminder that positivity is a choice which (most days) is is our control. Recently I turned 70, and also landed hard on concrete. In my case, it was my knees that took the brunt of the damage. No husband any more for quite a few years, though. When he died, my adult child immediately found a second spouse who isolates anyone who doesn’t worship him from the grandchildren. You know the story. It’s so sad that it’s becoming so familiar, though it helps to know we’re in good company. Thanks for continuing to write.

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