It would be wonderful if my adult child would take a more forgiving view of my sins as his mother. I hope one day he gains insight, learns compassion and grows in understanding about the importance of forgiveness.
I recently pondered this conundrum when I suddenly realized that it wasn’t so much that I needed his forgiveness but that I needed my own. I needed to forgive myself for mistakes I’d made, to look at my own ‘stuff’ and work on healing on a deep level.
I made many mistakes as a young mother. There were ballgames I missed, parent/teacher meetings that I was unable to attend. Because I felt guilty about mistakes I’d made and wanted to make up for my past failings, I tried too hard when there were challenges with my son and daughter-in-law. I accepted unfair treatment and wanted to be loved and appreciated too much. I have to forgive myself for allowing myself to be so mistreated and for not loving and appreciating myself enough.
Yes, I was and am still an imperfect mother – but my love for son was, is and will always be perfect. Self-forgiveness is the wellspring for all forgiveness.
When we learn to forgive ourselves, it is easier to forgive others. We become more allowing, more compassionate and loving.
Our time on this tiny, spinning planet is short. Every sunset is an ending, every breath brings us closer to our last. Each day I have left, my intention is to convey kindness, gentleness and forgiveness. If my adult child won’t communicate with me or forgive me, then I have to let it be for now – I forgive him. More importantly, I forgive myself for past mistakes and accept myself as I once was and as I now am.
You cannot travel back in time to fix your mistakes, but you can learn from them and forgive yourself for not knowing better.
~ Leon Brown