Cold Comfort

Cold Comfort

I don’t follow golf, but I recently read a commentary in the LA Times about Patrick Reed, who won the Masters this year. Apparently, he is estranged from his parents, who were escorted off the course at the U.S. Open several years ago by police, because Mr Reed simply didn’t want them there. They have been estranged since 2012, when he married his wife. His parents have never met their grandchildren…

The details are vague, but it was clear that the estrangement was precipitated by his marriage. What I have trouble understanding is why so many parents and grandparents are kicked to the curb, often for unknown or minor infractions, because of a spouse. 

Reading the article brought up anger, but even though  the anger I’m feeling is righteous, what can I do to change this terrible epidemic of alienation and estrangement? Our culture has become so fractured and people so disconnected that many of us are living lives of quiet desperation and loneliness, without family or a sense of belonging at the deepest level.

We have to do something — we’re dying out here. We’re hurting and feeling hopeless about our lives. 

I think we need to start speaking up. We must talk about this cancer of alienation and estrangement. We must shine a light on it and expose it for the dangerous malignancy that it is.  

We must find ways to live a good life, with or without our grown kids and grandkids. I know it’s cold comfort, but we must have the courage to let go of them, set healthy boundaries and find reasons to enjoy our lives. It’s time to stand up for ourselves and refuse any more bad treatment at the hands of our kids.

It’s time to heal our hearts.

4 thoughts on “Cold Comfort”

  • My only child, daughter was told to set up boundaries by a church counselor to prevent me from upsetting her. She built walls, not Boundaries and blocked me from herself and 4 grandchildren. I had lost my husband, her father, who died and I was going through chemo treatment that had life altering effects. It’s since been taken off the market due to the harm it inflicted on the patients. Our relationship has not healed since and my efforts are ignored with cold discernment . I’m allowed to send gifts but no contact. I’m thrown scraps.
    I’m writting because I have seen how Boundaries have been taken to the abusive extreme of relationship destruction and termination.
    Family members are encouraged to black out significant members of their primary family, the ones who gave them life and launched them into adulthood so they can live their lives to the fullest. I liken it to abortion. It’s legal and accepted so let’s just take care of that little disruption. Conscience isn’t engaged.
    I don’t believe a parent can really put a child out of their thoughts and life. I can avoid harmful personalities of which I reluctantly include my insensitive child. But, my heart cries out as I realize life is passing by and my grandchildren will not know their loving grandmother. I believe the misuse of Boundaries has become an effective wide spread tool for tearing up families. I pray for Salvation of our family and that God will open eyes, soften hearts and heal our relationships for He “has overcome the world.”

    • Hi Barbara,
      I completely understand what you’re saying. I think a lot of bad therapy has encouraged blocking parents instead of creating mutually healthy and reasonable boundaries. It can be a fine line.
      I wish you peace of mind and healing for your poor heart.

  • Absolutely agree. I have gone thru this BS for too many years. Now I AM talking about it straight out & telling people who ask questions – the TRUTH. I am standing up for ME & I no longer care if anyone approves or not. It’s now the TRUTH or silence = the TRUTH wins. And ON I go with MY life & being of value to myself and so many others. Feeling outraged, powerful & GOOD. The old ways are over and done. Thank you.

    • Good for you, Gloria! I’m happy to hear that you’ve made such healthy adjustments and are enjoying your life.

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