Grandparents Denied Access to their Grandchildren

Disrespect

Disrespect

One of the devastating side effects of being unfairly alienated from our adult child and grandchildren is being on the receiving end of disrespect, abuse, and cruelty. We are often maligned and accused of crimes we never committed. 

Many years ago, I was put in the position of having to sign a contract. My son and daughter-in-law insisted that I sign an agreement that stated rules of visitation. I was told that I would be allowed to spend every third Christmas with them and that if I didn’t sign this contract I’d never see my grandkids again. It was unreasonable and extraordinary in its unfairness and disrespect. After many tortured days of wondering what to do, I signed it, against my better judgement. The only reason I signed it was to be able to see my grandchildren. 

Looking back, I realize that by signing this ludicrous contract, I was dishonoring and hurting myself. It was the beginning of walking on eggshells and the demise of my self-esteem.

As the years flew by, I had to learn how to honor and respect myself again. For so long, I felt betrayed, sad, angry, hurt and blamed myself for so many things. Now, when I step back and analyze the events that led to this estrangement, I see clearly what I did to myself. The worst thing I did was to disrespect my own heart and mind which damaged my spirit tremendously.

I have made a commitment that I will never again accept abuse, disrespect or denigration from anyone. No exceptions. With this commitment comes a caveat: It may be necessary, in some cases, to let go of relationships and friendships that are disrespectful toward you. Sad, but, in the long run, it’s the healthiest choice.

Having said that, it’s always best to do everything possible to preserve relationships. Most people behave, at times, in hurtful or annoying ways. In order to have healthy relationships, we must let things go at times and forgive – always forgive.

It’s a harrowing ride, this journey of estrangement and alienation. It’s a trip I was forced to take and it’s no fun at all.



2 thoughts on “Disrespect”

  • My 29 yo son will not let me see his 2 year old son. He says it’s because I wasn’t involved in my grandsons life his first year. The year he was born, I was in a severely deep depression. I wouldn’t leave my bedroom for days. And rarely left my home. I have depression, anxiety and I’m bipolar. That was a horrible year in my life. He even mentioned me not attending my grandsons birthday party. Actually I wasn’t invited to his party. I didn’t attend any of my grandchildrens parties, nor any holiday family events,. Nothing. To be honest it was all I could do to stay alive. So, I tried to explain this to my son but he don’t want to hear it. He has talked to me without respect or concern. He told me not to contact him ever again about seeing my grandson. He will be 2 this month and he doesn’t know me. I’m heartbroken. I love that lil’ boy so much and would add much joy to his life.

    • Dear Angela- I’m so sorry to hear that you’re being treated with such a lack of compassion for your illness. I feel for you. If your son doesn’t want to hear you, you have no choice but to find a way to go on with your life. I think it’s important to remember that many of our adult children act out of their own brokenness, their own assumptions and make decisions based on their perceptions and woundedness. There’s a lot to talk about, so if you’d like to correspond privately, you can contact me at grandparentwrites@yahoo.com.

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