Grandparents Denied Access to their Grandchildren

Cutting the Ties that Bind

Cutting the Ties that Bind

We are all born with an umbilical cord that attaches us to our mother. Although it is cut immediately after birth, there is an invisible cord connecting mother and child resulting in symbiosis. For many, this invisible cord connects mother and child for years, if not a whole lifetime.

I’m not saying this is a bad thing: in a healthy, loving relationship, it can be a source of comfort and joy. Who wouldn’t like to be connected on a deep level to their child? But, if our adult child cuts us out of his/her life, we experience a heartache like no other. Unfortunately, some mothers and grandmothers hang on too tightly to this connection, which results in great suffering.

A friend of mine, who is deeply spiritual and very wise, suggested that I cut the cord between my son and me. I’ve begun doing this exercise every morning, where I imagine a white cord extending from my heart to my son’s. I ask angels, spirits and divine guides to please gently dissolve the heartbreaking part of the connection between my son and me.

By cutting the cord, I don’t mean that we close the door to possible healing between us and our adult child. It is an exercise meant to set ourselves free and to give ourselves wings. It’s done in the interest of restoring our sanity and helping us heal.  It’s a way to free ourselves from the angst and devastation that estrangement has wrought in our lives

I’ve had to face the sad fact that my son has destroyed most of the ties that existed between us. I have had to learn to live without him.  I have had to learn to live without the love and connection of family ties – ties that I never dreamed could be torn to shreds.

By cutting the cord, we do so in the interest of self-preservation and self-love. It doesn’t mean that we ever stop loving our child; it means that love for our own life is our first priority. It means we stop hanging on to a relationship that is no longer viable and no longer serves us. We get out of harm’s way, and we create a space that we can fill with love, acceptance, and peace.



6 thoughts on “Cutting the Ties that Bind”

  • “We get out of harm’s way, and we create a space that we can fill with love, acceptance, and peace.”

    If I see my own situation with my father’s second family and being the mostly ousted scapegoat – due to my very crazy and narcissistic step-mother (who I relieved twice of having to tend to my father in the ICU and then in a nursing home,) so she could attend her first granddaughter’s baby shower and then her birth,) as staying out of harm’s way, I feel better.

    I can begin to imagine and visualze this space filled with something purer and better than unspoken family shame and abuse towards me from someone who has resented the fact that I even exist. I interfer with their perfect family.

    She was so dissappointed about my father’s accident because she was looking forward to being the main baby sitter for her granddaughter 2.5 hours from home. They were planning to buy or rent a home where their son lives and now cannot manage it that way, but she still goes and drags my dad, who is in pain from his accident. I hope he enjoys the baby, however.

    I remember he told me that her son, who had the baby, hardly ever calls them. I wonder now if it’s just because he is busy and isn’t good with the phone or if it’s something else. He is married to someone who is very controlling and makes his life miserable at times, but she seems to get along with my step-mother and I am sure appreciates the help with baby sitting. I can’t figureout why a family would not want a grandparent involved, otherwise – unless they have a personaltiy disorder of some sort.

    What I have learned is that people can act frightfully stereotypically and pathetically at times.

    • Thank-you, Catherine, for your comments. You write succinctly and I was quite moved by your words. You certainly are faced with formidable challenges and I commend you for searching for answers and help.

      I think your comments might be helpful for others who read my blog. Thank-you, again for contributing to this forum.

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