Cutting the Ties that Bind
We are all born with an umbilical cord that attaches us to our mother. Although it is cut immediately after birth, there is an invisible cord connecting mother and child resulting in symbiosis. For many, this invisible cord connects mother and child for years, if not a whole lifetime.
I’m not saying this is a bad thing: in a healthy, loving relationship, it can be a source of comfort and joy. Who wouldn’t like to be connected on a deep level to their child? But, if our adult child cuts us out of his/her life, we experience a heartache like no other. Unfortunately, some mothers and grandmothers hang on too tightly to this connection, which results in great suffering.
A friend of mine, who is deeply spiritual and very wise, suggested that I cut the cord between my son and me. I’ve begun doing this exercise every morning, where I imagine a white cord extending from my heart to my son’s. I ask angels, spirits and divine guides to please gently dissolve the heartbreaking part of the connection between my son and me.
By cutting the cord, I don’t mean that we close the door to possible healing between us and our adult child. It is an exercise meant to set ourselves free and to give ourselves wings. It’s done in the interest of restoring our sanity and helping us heal. It’s a way to free ourselves from the angst and devastation that estrangement has wrought in our lives
I’ve had to face the sad fact that my son has destroyed most of the ties that existed between us. I have had to learn to live without him. I have had to learn to live without the love and connection of family ties – ties that I never dreamed could be torn to shreds.
By cutting the cord, we do so in the interest of self-preservation and self-love. It doesn’t mean that we ever stop loving our child; it means that love for our own life is our first priority. It means we stop hanging on to a relationship that is no longer viable and no longer serves us. We get out of harm’s way, and we create a space that we can fill with love, acceptance, and peace.